Life

The purpose of life. So many people search for it. Some believe their purpose in life is to find that purpose, or do something important in the world. Others just don't care. I know what mine is. Every well-rooted Christian should know.
But sometimes, I get so tired of people in this life. The way they strive to be like everyone else, the corrupt minds of young girls trying to expose themselves, the messed up minds of young boys beind perverted or trying to act tough. I'm tired of hearing people complain and not doing anything about it, I'm tired of hearing excuses. Tired of people who think that life is so easy because they grew up rich, or people who think they deserve something because they're poor. Tired of the people living for selfish desires, tired of the world's pursuit of mundane things, things that only last a lifetime.

I donno, I'm just tired.

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If you haven't noticed or don't live in Georgia, the weather here has been killer great after the desolate floods last 2 weeks. Ahh I wish you were here to see it.

Fall is coming. 1 that means good chilly weather, 2 excuse to go to the mountains to drive the snot out of ours cars and take pictures of the changing leaves.

"Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands."
2 Corinthians 5:1
Man I can't wait to go "home."

scratch that. no wedding shoot :/

Dreams

Sometimes I really hate my dreams. I had one last night. In it I had a girlfriend somehow and it was good and everything. I dont even know how it happened. I was hanging out with this one girl and we just seemed to really connect. Then she blurted in korean "hey do just want to get right to it and be my boyfriend?" haha.That's why I hate dreams. They're so real for those few hours that you're sleeping. and when you wake up you're back to reality. Too perfect to be true. I find myself having lots of odd dreams lately. I've had more dreams lately than more than before.

I've also been noticing women in general more. In a non corrupted way. Just more attentive of the beauty of women. They way they differ from men and how they strive to look good. They're more curved and complex in looks. They truly are beautiful.


All these photo events have been popping up lately. I recently just turned in some pictures for this photography competition. If i win i get to have my pics shown in an exhibit. thought that was cool. and I was also asked to shoot my pastor's daughter's first birthday. I love that baby. im sure it'll be a big event with lots of family members. And the biggest one yet....I was asked to shoot a wedding. some serious stuff. I really have to prepare for this. These are one time only memories I'm catching here. And I gotta make them right. Looks like I gotta work hard. But i need to get some equipment. I need at least a flash and a tripod. Im gonna try talking with my parents this week. Tell them of the stuff ive been asked to shoot and ask if i can buy stuff i need. and in return ill work for them during my over one month winter break. Sigh...

Worship today was good. but didn't do anything after either. I donno I can't say much more. but we shared a lot about praying for those who don't believe.

It was good hanging out with my gwinett friends today. You guys are yeeeeee. Even when we don't do anything haha. But me and Roy rock the house with movement songs. BOM BOM BOM BOM BOM 발라버려!

I'm tired...good night.

"Jesus said to them in reply, "Amen, I say to you, if you have faith and do not waver, not only will you do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, 'Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' it will be done. Whatever you ask for in prayer with faith, you will receive."
Matthew 21:21-22

Prayer

Another one of my pics. this was a panorama. 3 shots and edited.

Prayer.

Something that we don't do enough, yet it's so powerful.

I pray before I eat, sometimes just in my head, and right before I sleep.

Today at church we prayed for those friends we have that don't know Jesus Christ.

My pastor told me a story about his old pastor. That he prayed for his non Christian father everyday for like 20 years or something long like that. And finally on his death bed he became a Christian. How cool is that? It doesn't matter how long you've been one, or how many good deeds you did, or if you've read the bible or not, etc etc. All that matters, all that it really comes down to is believing that Jesus died on the cross for your sins. And once that's been established, you automatically go to heaven. key word there is BELIEVE and not say you believe. two totally different things.

Every night, before I go to bed. I pray a prayer. And there's ALWAYS two things i pray for. One is my friend who died last month, I pray that God heals their hearts and minds. Spiritually, mentally, physically. And that God my bless them and keep them going strong as one family and as followers of Christ. My second one is for my non believing friend. She's not bad or anything. But I love her, and because I love her I truly want her to be saved. I want to be in heaven up there with her. So I ask God to reveal himself to her. That somehow God introduces himself into her life. That she may change and the people around her change. That she get to know God and Jesus and that she live by faith knowing that there's always someone there no matter the circumstance.

that's what this friday's worship was about. I honestly think God answers prayers. and I think it's working. I think she's changing little by little for the better. so praise God.

tomorrow I practice for em worship team. gotta sing "with everything" killer on my voice -.- but i think i can do it.

in other news, i gotta murdered on my first art critique T.T i did a bajillion things wrong. at least i have a week after i get it back to redo it for a better grade. I WILL tear that class up! no matter how hard it is.

also, i went to my colleges major fair today. Mainly because it's required by my first year experience class but thank God i went. because i found out that i could start my working on my major by next quarter which starts in january. how cool is that? most schools start major classes in junior year at earliest but i can start working on photography already. noiceeee. im thinking about minoring in graphic design. but i feel that might murder me if i try 2 studio art subjects. that reminds me i gotta take japanese through the ARCHE program and i have to email my advisor about that -.-

tonight i couldnt play bball. for some reason all these people from another church came to ours and played. i HATE that. they have a better court than us yet they come to ours all the time. and they play so competitively. they cant just play for the fun of it. and because of that the younger kids cant or dont want to play. we just couldnt find the time to play because there were so many people and the games were so long. honestly people go back to your own church, stop coming to ours just to play bball. that's so wrong.

i feel like i dont do you guys justice just writing about Christian stuff haha. so i try to write about other stuff too. hmm....

there's this one girl im friends with who ive been wondering a lot about lately. no i dont like her. but i question whether she really is who she is. ive heard things about her. and i know that a few years ago she was really arrogant and mean to everyone except her little flower power group. now she's different but i feel like around school or other friends she's different. ive heard that she really knows ways to get a guy interested in her with her flirty attitude and apparently she's done some "things." her friends are really really bad as in drugs, drinking, sex. everyone knows your friends make who you are, and if they dont, then they make your image or reputation. so lose lose either way. I'm not judging her, but i dont want to be friends with someone who isnt who they are you know? it's a waste of time, feelings, etc.

ill come unashamed. ill represent you Christ. even if they laugh, even if they curse me.

project 1 -.-

I finished my first project today -.-


so tired. i had to bend over so much because the thing was too big to keep on the table or bed. my back kills not. anyway here's the final product.

yes it's not perfect. but i dont want to restart a whole part because of a mistake. it's too hard and not worth it. i like it as it is. it's good for a first i think. my teacher is a details nazi tho -.-

my roommate decided to have a halo tournament -.- so many people here. it was really loud and annoying. i hate big crowds and loudness. God help me, no kidding.

but amongst that i met another Christian praise band player. I donno what church he goes to but he saw that i had the chords for saviour king on my comp and asked if i lead worship. he said he lead worship at this camp. thought that was cool. he curses tho haha. but i mean everyone's gotta work on something. even me.

God I know I'm gonna need your help more than ever. This was just one project and already I'm tired. So help me T.T

"With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall."

2 Samuel 22:30

sick

i'm sick. again. a little. but i know that it's gonna get worse. i can feel it. time to take the nasty theraflu again.

I long for something beautiful. somone beautiful.

Love?

So I dedicate this entry to a very special person I know. She's one of the most beautiful people I know both in looks and as the person inside. I love the way she has her own style and creative mind. She likes to do things her way and doesn't care what other people would think.
I love her. friendly love? romantic love? sibling love? ALL of them! haha. It's really too bad she lives so far away though. I hate it. I'd take her out in a heart beat. But i wouldn't want her to be my girlfriend or anything. There are bajillion times better guys out there for her that look bajillion times better and do a bajillion better things than scrub me. But oh my...if i could be her boyfriend, my life is then complete. haha jk. I just want to make sure she's okay. I hate it when she's angry or sad. It kills me, especially when people mistreat her when she deserves right. Who in their right mind would turn to someone else if he had her? Really, how could you?

I wish i was there with her. Just to be someone she can lean on. So i can make sure she's alright. you know, be the person to pick her up when she falls down. And when she has problems i can help her or at least do something for her. like giver her ice cream? happy meal? haha jkjk.

Ahh, I donno if you'll ever read this. I hope you don't haha. you might think im weird after this. But i know you check back here every once in awhile. At least ill know since you always ask me to give you the link you lazy -.- but hey I'll go visit you for sure and real soon. We'll have a real good time and do the things that we said we would like star gazing and drunken tiger concerts. I've been praying for you every night. fo reals. I hope everything really is okay with you. if you ever need anything i'll try my best, and know that I'm always here when you feel down.I'm glad that we have what we have. That I can at least talk to you and know about how your day was or what you're up to. hurry up and become a fashion designer so we can work together! make a brand called kathel or something haha. I friggin love you! haha :p

Praise

So last Sunday i lead praise with second chance, came to the rescue, and til i see you. all by hillsong united and picked by me. i feel like i did pretty good. it was hard to sing in the morning but i think it all became ok. ill try and get a picture later on sunday. I hope i can get better at guitar and leading praise. not for myself but all for God. i dont want people to see my guitar playing or singing, or even me up there. i want them to see God and his presence. Hopefully everyone can really by touched by God during praise.

it's been raining an awful lot these days. the first floor of my dorm got flooded, thankfully im on the third floor. early early this morning it was lightning and thundering like crazy. so loud it was hard to go back to sleep.

oh yeah, and im slowly getting onto a cold i think. yesterday i felt really tired and kept coughing. i took a vitamin pill, some green tea, and a theraflu thing (which tasted awful) and i think that helped a bit. it's not good to hang around sick people, even if you don't touch them. their presence alone is enough to get you sick. i learned that the hard way over the weekend -.- so many people nastily sick at church. eww.

so i downloaded the matt redman album. soooo good. i think it was well worth the long wait for his album because these sounds not only sound good but they have a lot of meaning like his old songs. man matt redman, i wish i could write songs like him.

I discovered that i once again have water in my trunk -.- i thought i fixed it last time but it's possible the water's also coming from another area or maybe the leak i fixed before broke again. whatever it is i have to fix it this weekend....the trunk smells bad now and that makes the car smell bad.

I emailed the SCAD event person to see if i could start an organization. he hasnt responded to me yet, but hopefully soon he will. i want to make a Christian Fellowship club. hopefully the school doesn't have some religion policy or whatever. i dont see why not since public schools have things like fca and such.

Also on another note i submitted 3 photos for this juried photgraphy exhibition. if at least one of my photos get selected then it will be displayed at the Atlanta Celebrates Photography exhibition. just thought that was cool. pray for me! haha.

the sunday sermon was about evangelizing. not necessarily doing it but more on the fact that once you're in heaven it's too late. you can't save anyone in heaven, everyone's already saved. so while we're here on earth we have to do everything here. it is better to care for someone's eternity than their life alone. life is only temporary, you can leave a mark on earth, a legacy, some sort of reputation. but those things die out. people forget about them. but not in heaven. in heaven people will say "hey, thanks for saving me. i know you didn't want to do it, i know it was awkward, sorry for insulting you, but thank you for letting me into heaven." how much greater is that than getting a phd or 6 figure income? you know celebrities have everything. money, fame, popularity. but then how come they still have problems? none of them seem to be satisfied. they have multiple marriages, they commonly go into drugs, they buy and buy but never stop buying. what it is is that they're searching for something. searching for a purpose in life perhaps? or a peace that only Christians know. Imagine yourself if you didn't have/know Christ? how empty and purposeless life would be. I personally have never evangelized. but i'd like to. ive been to a mission trip, but i feel like it wasnt really sacrificial on my part and that the whole organization was too unsacrificial also. i want to know what it's like to have a deep conversation with a non believer of Christ. Evangelizing is not about going up to someone and forcing them to convert. no, it's about loving them, caring for them. you don't have to say "hey read the Bible, or God condemns all who don't believe." but just be there for them. be the Jesus they never had. Jesus never forced anyone to do anything, he just cared for them and loved them. so now starts my mission.

i wish i could go to seminary, but i don't think i have a calling to be a pastor. apparently there are classes for worship leaders though. that'd be cool. i just want to learn more about my faith. i wish i could even minor in religion/theology or take a few classes on it. unfortunately going to an art limited school doesn't let me do all that.

"the cross before me, the world behind me. no turning back, no turning back."

Mom I'm sorry

First week

SCAD is good. View from the other side of my dorm.

everything seems to be fine and the teachers seem to all be good.

2D design does seem like a challenge though. the teacher is really really detail oriented. We cant have smudges on our paper,no stray marks, not even little specs, no bent papers, no bent corners, etc etc. my first project is due thursday for 2D. I have to design this thing and make it a presentation. seems hard but at least it's art and not math or writing -.-

making friends...havent really made too many -.- but i do have some! ha. still, no one to eat with at lunch/dinner since we all have different schedules. there's actually a lot of korean/asian people here. lots of good looking ones, but also lots of weird ones too. there's this one guy, he looks like he should be in shinee. he fits the feminine face/stature part of it.

im really surprised at the amount of photography noobs here. i ask people who want to be photography majors basic questions like what kind of camera do you have or what equipment do you use and they're just like "i dont know." in my head im just like "...uh are you sure you want to do photography as your life and not just as a hobby?" i donno i hope they can make it...

today i had to go to some club fair thing as part of a requirement of my first year experience class. it was ok i suppose but no Christian club or photography club. They did say you can make your own so i wanna find out about that. I joined the magazine, game, and intercultural club. seems all good i think. but i wanna make a Christian club!

i get this feeling that my roomate is going to fail out. wednesday night he didnt come into the dorm until around 6am because he was out until 1am fooling around then had to do a project once he got back to the residence hall. definitely not the way to start the first week or act in an art school. now that i think about it. I've never seen him actually work.

and!...BONA PARK! GO TO CHURCH! haha i know you look at this now -.-

i know im a pita but maybe it's just because i miss you that much? haha

Jeremiah 9: 23-24

College

Food here is good.

So I have officially started college.

I came back to my dorm sunday night. As soon as i walk in i see 5 other people. Instantly i was like....what the. My roommate decided to bring some friends over to watch some R movies -.- yare yare.

It's different. I've been surrounding myself with Christian people so long that I forgot about the rest of the world. They curse, laugh at things God hates, drink (my roommate has a bottle of wine -.-). It's hard. And I'm really praying that I don't get sucked into the college life. College life as in parties with alcohol,smoking, drugs, sex, cursing, etc etc. I really want to do well to show everyone that I am a person of God and to make my parents proud. pray for me guys.

I only had one class today. non art related english composition. but story time! so after talking with a friend (ive known her for awhile so not a friend i made at SCAD) we went to go look for our classes. I go in, sit down, and the teacher talks talks talks. I notice that a lot of the students seem rather...old and the teacher kept talking about psychology. Then i notice the teacher starts going through the introduction of pschology i was like....crap im in the wrong class...i slowly raise my hand and tell her that im in the wrong class. whole class laughs. lol it wasnt embarassing really but just thought it was funny haha. went to my regular class after that.

english composition sucks...writing everyday -.- my friend said it's to prepare you for professional writing. man...gay.

I had nothing to do earlier today so i went to the library and brought out the Bible. read more Numbers. The people start complaining that they have no water in the desert so they complain to Moses and Aaron. Both of them ask God for water and God tells them to take this staff and speak to the rock for water. But Moses gets angry at the people for constantly going against God and strikes the rock twice. Water comes flowing out but God is angry with Moses and Aaron for disobeying him (they were suppose to speak to the rock not strike it) so God tells them to go ontop of a mountain to kill Aaron. and Aaron dies on the mountain...
so...listen to God carefully haha

"after this Jesus went out and saw a tax collector by the name of Levi sitting at the tax booth. 'Follow me' Jesus said to him and Levi got up, left everything, and followed him."
Luke 5:27-28

God make me a Levi. Im not gonna say i want to be a Levi because there might be fault in my words and actions. But MAKE me a Levi Father.

The heart of worship

Today i moved in my dorm. saw a lot of other freshman. i think everything will be alright. My room mate is cool too. he likes video games like i do, looks like he was raised well, just cool haha. no pictures of my dorm yet. but ill put some up when i go back sunday (im back home since church and other stuff). i gotta get things like food and etc etc. i'll really pray that everything will be alright.

Orientation tho...SOOOO boring! at first it wasnt that bad. but then they made us sit in this room and just listen to them talk talk talk talk for hours. eventually i left with the other 2235345 people that did haha.

So i had enough time to go to church since i left orientation early. meaning i got to work with my little praise team. the heart of worship by matt redman. it's such a simple song, but so powerful. they did well. i could really tell that their past week was better with God and it really showed in the praise. During worship i was singing along, then there's a part that just goes "ill bring you more than a song, ill bring you more than a song, cause it's all about you Jesus" and tears just started coming out. i donno why but i couldnt help but cry and pray. pray that God would truly humble me and break down the pride i've built up. That who am i to have this pride against God, creator of all things and all powerful. i really really think the yg was in the heart of worship this friday night. and im glad that the praise team did well too.

after that, bball until 2am -.- oh my goodness. coming home and showering felt soo good.

“Sitting down, Jesus called the twelve and said, “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.”
Mark 9:35

and so God, make me last.

College is coming up. Quite possibly the slowest week.

Gotta shop for dorm crap. Ikea? nahhh

My favorite baby in the whole wide world. there's about a bajillion things i could have done better with this. :/ original pictures look better though. I think the uploading process just makes the quality goes down.

I feel like the things i pray about grows each day. that's either good or really bad.

"you can know the Word of God, but you might not know the God of the Word."

old friends

There is one thing I'm guilty of,

being a bad friend.
While, I've been hanging out with mainly my church friends. I've left my other friends in the dust. As a result I don't really talk to them anymore. They were my bros for real. But now I donno. Today one of the closest non church friends messaged me on face. Just wanted to know how I was doing and what's been up. I really have been a bad friend.

dang...sorry guys.

Sunday!

Such a tiring day, so many things went on today.

Woke up late -.- the night before i went to sleep pretty late. i need to stop doing that.
as a result i couldnt go to EM and missed a little bit of yg service. And today i substituted for the 8th graders Bible study. can't say i make the best small group leader though. But having this other guy in there who wasnt even suppose to be there didnt help at all -.- after i played bball which i feel like i played a little too much because now i have a massive headache ><

I donno why, but these days i feel like the yg is struggling. people just dont seem interested anymore. maybe it's because of school? that and the praise teams seem to be losing vigor and passion. i really wonder what it is? definitely something to pray about and work on. "the praise you show reflects your relationship with God that week" says jdsn. so this week im reminding my little praise team to try and spend a little extra time with God outside of their required QT since last friday was big let down spiritually and musically. I'll also be joining them since leaders are even more prone to being attacked by satan. Praise team 2 FTW!

so after bball, me and my jdsn's family went to the international house of prayer in atlanta (IHOP). basically it's a part of a system of places headquartered in missouri where there's 24/7 praise and worship. it was good, lots of "spirit filled people." i saw people crying out to God, dancing, hand motions, etc. Definitely a God filled place. I took a few pictures to show people on facebook, but not a lot because it felt weird taking pictures and i was afraid some people might not like it. so i only took some from the back. i wanna try going back at like 3am one day. seems like a good place to go anytime and just let out unto God.

relationship with God...a lot of times when people are asked how their relationship with God was that week they say something like "oh, it was good. i read my Bible and did my QT" or "oh it was pretty bad, i didnt FEEL God this week." such a typical answer though, even im guilty of it. i donno where i saw, but there was this thing saying that if our relationship with God is limited to reading the Bible and doing QTs, and feelings, then it's totally wrong. and i agree. i dont want my relationship with God to be based off reading the Bible and doing QTs. That's a weak bond. Of course, both a very important, but there's so much more to God than that. I wanna come to a point where i desire to read my Bible, desire to pray and converse with God as my best friend, thank God for everything that is, be able to praise with all that i am and not care about whose around me. so i'll strive for that, and pray for it. I wanna do things outside of duty and more of out of want and desire of God.

What's also saddening is how my old em friends are right now spiritually. a lot of them dont go to church anymore. even worse, they're sucked into things of this world. finding temporary enjoyment from alcohol,video games,smoking,work, and other wordly things. its hard to believe these were the same people i spent time with spending extra hours at church before and after church and even during the weekdays and saturdays. Im praying for them, i really hope they return to Christian living before it's too late.

"If you have not grasped the gospel fully and deeply, you will return to being condescending, condemning, anxious, insecure, joyless and angry all the time. ” - Tim Keller

Tumblr is such a good resource for finding good Bible qutoes/quotes

Even the demons believe, yet they are not saved. Many people who say they believe in Jesus, are also not saved. Jesus said in Matthew 7:21 ‘Not everyone who says Lord, Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven’.

EM praise leader in training.
hope I live up to God's expectations.

Keeping faith

Hebrews 13:5 I will never leave you, I will never forsake you

My father God, help me to live by this and always remember it.

...

maybe it's time i move churches?

meet new people?

new pastor, new ministry, new worship, new everything?



ive been thinking about it. i keep thinking about it.
id definitely would like a more active/diverse em. the one at my church is somewhat too mature for me. no one is the same age or year as me :/

id hate to leave. i love immanuel yg. but i gotta go eventually