New and old

Dear dearest blog readers
I moved to wordpress.
I prefer it's organization over blogger haha.

www.peteho20.wordpress.com

Life Changes

How so much has changed in the past 30 days. 

What happened? Haha, such a dramatic change from the last post to this one. I thought everything was going well but maybe it was just the emotional excitement that so many couples go through in the first three months. 

Maybe it was for the better. We hadn't talked for about a week because of some stupid thing. Really though, I was waiting on her to initiate for once. Then the church retreat came and she said hi when we passed by. I was planning on ending it that week. I already met with the pastor (who told me three months before not to do it) explaining him what's been happening. I come home and see a text that was from her, but I couldn't get it at the retreat because there was no service. 

After ending it, explaining to her that I wanted her to pursue God and to love Him more than me, I ended it. Not to say that we were officially dating. We never held hands or anything physical, but emotionally we were. No, I'm not using God as an excuse to end the relationship. I still have feelings for this person and will for quite some time. She was a new Christian, maybe a year old faith wise, compared to me who is say four years old with a whole background of Christian upbringing. What I knew and what she knew just didn't match. I didn't want to be the reason why she reads her Bible every day, rather I want her to experience it herself. And all the more, I can't even take responsibility for myself to read and pray each day. I can't lead a woman like a man is called to. I'm immature. 

You know, I think most people would think I'm taking things too seriously. Sometimes I'll ask people do you think you will marry the person you're dating? and that person will say no. Then what is the whole point? Dating just to waste time and have fun? What a waste of time, energy, and hardening of the heart. 

I wish we could still be together. I regret ending it. I regret listening to the pastors and even to an extent being a leader. It drove me crazy when I saw other guys praying for you and when you hang out with other guys. But what can I do, you were never really mine to begin with. 

It's been about two weeks now. I've been getting by. It's not as nearly as bad as it was, but it gets better as time goes by. 

If I had to tell you something right now it would be that I didn't end it because I didn't like you. That's very much not the reason, but truly, I want you to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength before you give your heart to any other guy. Watch out for guys who just want to use you. I pray that God will protect your heart. I miss you, and take care. 

This, and my parents are having issues to...sigh. 

Anticipation

I smile as I see the arrival times on the screens.

DL228...

Checking my hair and straighten my clothes,

I stand there infront of the escalators under the sign "arrivals lobbey."

I look to the left, then to the right, then left again over and over.

An array of accountants, lawyers, and security guards passes by.

The ground shakes from the dozing of luggage wheels.

Then, just as a turn my head back to the escalators,

through the chaos and commotion,

I see the smile I'd been waiting so long for.

Life Group

At my church, there's this group meeting that we call family group that meets one a week on a particular day. From these family groups, it's further divided into life groups which consist of one group of guys and one group of girls. Life groups meet each week.

In August I was asked by the pastors to join leadership to lead a life group.

It's been a tough road. I'm in no way or shape to be a leader of any sort. I've always been a follower sort of person or I did things on my own.

So far with the new semester, we have 2 new guys. It's a blessing to have these guys in the group. Last semester had a lot of failures and disappointments, but it wasn't all negative.

I hope this semester, God will really use this group to go beyond just the friend bond to make us true brothers in Christ.
We don't want to be boys or children, we want to be men.

Return

It's been a while blogger.

I know I moved on to tumblr but I return because tumblr is just to apathetic.

There's a certain level of nostalgia and emotion when blogging on an actual blog.

Not to mention, not as many people know about this blog as my tumblr so I'm prone to write more here.

Just a little update on life.

Now in my third year of college. At the same time, I'm interning at a studio called Ernest Washington Studios in Atlanta not too far from Georgia Tech. My bosses (a married couple) are nice and treat me well, though I wish there was more variety in what I do throughout the day. I currently have to worry about two traffic tickets. One I got over the summer in late July due to running a redlight on a green arrow. Hey, I was tired and I unconsciously reacted to the green arrow. Another I got in December for speeding 83 in a 55...Also, I've moved churches to JCA and I'm in the leadership team there. So this chapter of life has been very busy.

Also, I guess it'd be worth mentioning that there's someone dear to me in my life currently.

Somehow I need to push it all aside, and make God the core. Then, everything else will handle itself.