your meaning of best friend and my meaning of best friend are totally different.

Tumblr

Tumblr: "Dear Future Wife,

I don’t know who you’ll be, but I’m very anxious and excited to meet you. I want you to know that for the 18 years I’ve been living, I’ve been trying to my best to stay single and pure for you. I’m still trying and it’s definitely not easy. But I want to show you how much I love you before I even meet you. I hope God really blesses us and that I can honor Him through our marriage. I believe God meant for me to be with one person and one person only so I’ll wait until that day. I’ll love you unconditionally, through the good and bad and never ever ever ever consider a divorce because that’s what God hates. Even though I’m far from anything great, I’ll do my best to make you happy and joyful.

‘Til that day,
Peter"

A lot of thoughts have been going through my head lately.
good and bad.

I've been thinking aboutt the possibility of transferring schools to new york university. They have the largest photo school in the world and they'll probably have extra classes that I want to take like theology and japanese. I'll apply there this summer and see how it goes.

Church has been ... normal?
I can't say much about it. it doesn't seem like there's nothing new about church itself.
But I've been doing better with God personally. Instead of trying to do things on my own I'm trying to depend more on the power of the Holy Spirit because without it, I'm just too weak. I can't convert anyone, I can't raise up a praise team, I can't fight off the temptations of the world without God's Spirit that dwells within me.

But I'll say I wish modern day Christians were more serious about God. It seems like everyone who calls themself a Christian has such a lackadaisical view on God. "I sinned, oh no big deal, He'll forgive me." "I should read my Bible, but this school stuff and my personal time come first." etc etc. Jesus told us to take up the cross and follow Him. He didn't die and resurrect to follow us. People always ask me, "why do you only listen to worship music? secular music isn't all bad." True it's not all bad, but according to what standards? Obviously the world's. And we aren't suppose to conform to this world. Even a song about feel-good clean love has some negativity in it. Doesn't it imply that everyone should have someone or there's a need for people to HAVE to be in a relationship at all times? If we are to follow after Jesus, then we're suppose to be everything like Him. Jesus didn't listen to secular music did he? Just the other day I saw on facebook a "Christian" having a curse word and God in the same sentence. How can you believe in God and think it's absolutely okay to curse? So what if it's not aimed at God? So many times in the Bible it condemns evil words/cursing/things of the nature. I wonder how many of us "Christians" actually read the Bible and know God? Not know about God, but know God. His heart, His desires, what hurts Him, what He loves, His will and thoughts. Like praise team, I wonder how many of the praise team members actually know that the lyrics they're singing are directly from the Bible about 90% of the time? I'm willing to bet 9/10 of them don't even realize it even though they have the crucial role of leading worship and some of them have been praise leaders for so long.

God is serious about us. Enough to give His only son, the exact meaning of perfection, to die on the cross for us. Why can't we be serious for Him? Where do we draw that line? Each day we're suppose to live upon new faith. We aren't suppose to get "used to God" or have "enough" of Him.

Wrong

Ever say the wrong thing at the wrong time and you didnt mean it at all?
But you were just caught in the moment and your emotions and you blurted it out and ended up hurting someone in one irreparable way or another?

Well I know I have.

I'll admit this. I'm a very a jealous person. Not jealous of people's skills or what they have, but relationships. Not particularly boyfriend girlfriend relationships but just friendships in general.
I don't have many friends. Not because I'm some loser but just because I chose it to be that way. But I donno, I become envious of the relations that people have with others. I guess that's what lead me to say what I did and compared it to that thought.

It's my fault. The damage has been done. I don't think it'll be back to the way it was anytime soon.
Just another one of life's lessons.
Consider the person who you're saying it to.

I'm 위톨이 for awhile.

What's wrong with me?
I feel so depressed.
I feel so empty.

God is always there. Even if I don't feel it. So something is up.
What is this burden in my heart, this spirit of darkness over me?

I was suppose to qt today.

Still trying, still trying, still trying.

I'm pretty angry,

and it's hard to make me actually angry.