Spiritual Battle

I wont lie. My faith's been lacking these past few days. It's my fault though. Havent been devoting the time I'm suppose to with God. Mainly just been going to church, and that's it.

I will say, church has become more of a chore to me and that I loathe it. It's rare that I can just simply go to church and praise God. Right now, I feel like I've brought too many responsibilities among myself and that the people there just aren't in the right place (can't say I am either). Leader of EM praise team, leader of little praise team, being a "teacher." They all REQUIRE that I go to church every week Fridays and Sundays, get there two or three hours early on Friday and stay three to four hours after,TWO services on Sunday with the usual meeting afterwards. It's sorta too much and tiring. I just want to go to church. Spend time with God and that's it.

I like being praise leader of EM. But I feel like that's too great a responsibility too. I simply just want to go up and praise. Not have all these harmonies or drums or lighting or rules. Just me, the guitar, and God. As simple as that.

But I don't think God is going to let me quit those positions. I'm in a place right now where if I quit, I'll be letting a lot of people down and God probably put me in this rut for a reason. Yare yare. In the mean time, I gotta spend more time with God, dang school, it takes so much energy away from me. I'll remain faithful

Didn't sleep until 5am this morning because I was working on homework and a major project that was due the same day. Now I gotta do another drawing, draw the preliminary lines for another major project, write an essay, and attend all these events for my FYE class, which by the way is a waste of time.

In other news I got my camera flash. Another check mark on the need to get list of photography equipment. I love it. So great and it opens up a whole 'nother realm of photography. Much to learn with it. Now I need to get a tripod. After that probably upgrade to a better camera body, then more flashes because off camera flash is a whole 'nother thing too, and with that comes the need to buy wireless transmitters, umbrellas, stands, diffusers, etc etc. The list never ends.

"I will proclaim the decree of the LORD :
He said to me, 'You are my Son;
today I have become your Father."

Psalm 2